Soccer - Football JOKES

Comedy

Every occasion the goally saves the ball it hits a spot on his face, it is the penalty spot.

This game on december the 25th is the record for the number of card usage by a referee but they were not yellow or red.

I feel a bit guilty about not giving the referee a birthday card he gives me a card every occasion has refereed against us.

Why does a player not add number of the end of their name then it can look like they have scored more that they did, if they score.

What team find soccer the most difficult? Thailand against sockland

What tactic is the most defensive? The tactic 11 Goalkeeper

A nation should choose the same flag as the corner flag so the teams think the corner is supporting them.

I would not say he was a goalkeeper more a goalwelcomer.

Our captain is like the captain of a boat, they say a captain goes down with the boat, but our captain was diving in every game.

Our undersoil heating, so good our side get lethargic, but the other sides don't.

Our side play long ball so often we warn air traffic control before the game.

Why do Manchester United win so much? The other teams think they playing one man from Chester.

Why did the football page webmaster make a lot of money? because he was a high Refereer

Why did the defender pick up his mobile phone and look on the internet, and not pay attention to the striker? Because the boss said watch out the striker about to put the ball "in ter the net"

Our keeper can jump so high that they have started naming him the bird or the gullkeeper

A keeper keeps the score so down he is the Key per

What do they call a sub in a Welsh team? A whale.

What do they call an Arbroath Keeper when it is raining? A kipper

Our striker is real challenge to the opposition defence, he keeps asking questions of them, such as the what is the capital of Argentina?

What does a goose say when team wins the double? Gobble, Double, Double, Double.

What soccer side like to go to the sea by the bar? Barcelona

Wrong ideas

Solar powered floodlighting

Putting forward a pitch for the chelsea flower show, make patterns

Teams who play in green should try counter attacking, to take advantage of camouflage.

A team should put a mirror on their top to confuse the opposition. The opponent would think they have possession

Get your striker to hold onto a big wing and flap his arms to get some height.

On a wind day when playing into the wind, get big floppy clothing, so each player can get blown down the wing faster then choose different one for the other way,

Train a pigeon to head the ball into the net.

Get a man in your dugout to disguise himself as the opposition boss and shout instructions to the other side.