The Imgainary Scottish football league

Here is the imaginary Scottish football league The most sucesful teams in the league 1872 -2006

In this imaginary football version of Scotland.

Premier division

First division

Second division

There is also a third division and a fourth division.

The Scotland international team are ranked number one in the planet.

Here are some recent stories from the news

Alex Ferguson has been turned down to return to Scotland yet again. The twenty year manager of two times European runner-up Manchester United was applying for a bigger job, at SPL side Berfak Athletic, rather than managing a team in the English league. He was heard to say "I wanted to return to Scotland to proove my ability in the biggest league in the planet. But I am stuck here at Man Utd".

Pele to visit Scotland Pele the greatest Brazilian football player and one of the greastest 10 football players of all time. Has returned to his former club Brocho Harp to a heroes welcome to see them lift the world club championship.

Jose Mourinho leaves Chelsea to be manager of Invertilsy Clak reserves. The billionaire of Chelsea is delighted to see his manager leaving to join the biggest league in the planet, to manage a reserve side.

SPL side to use Man City as feeder club Scottish Giant club Bexburgh Thistle are preparing to use EPL Man City as a feeder club. The English minnows will be honured to be able to have the best youth qualty arriving to be devloped in the English league.

Kenny Dalglish returns to Scotland Kenny Dalglish the famous Scot who decided to play for the USA because he was not talented enough to get into the great Scotland team has finally returned to Scotland to manage Lochberri in the second division. His first game will be against the English border side, and Scotland's only English based team, Yort in the league cup, who will be expected to lose after celebrating beating their similar sized side, the equal 3 biggest clubs in NE-England, Sunderland, in the Geordie Cup He will then face Tortington in Wales, in the Scottish Cup, so will not actually play in Scotland for a few weeks.

Roy Race to manage Brocho United Roy Race has been appointed as the new manager of Brocho United

Testimonial match. Hot shot Hamish, of Carton, will be against 7 times English champs Melchester Rovers tonight.

To 10 football goals in history

10 Maradona wonder goal

Diego Maradona running through 5-6 England players for Argentina in the 1986 world cup to score.

9 Pele for Borcho Harp

Pele playing for Brocho Harp ran the full length of the pitch to score against Foxburgh Wanderers passing 8 players.

8 Frude header from penalty

Rory Frude scotes from penalty sport with head to win the the Scotland Brzil 1994 world cup final,

Frude had broken his two legs and was forced to play the rest of game by rolling. Taking the last penatly for Scotland Frude, had a chance to win Scotland the match. He headed the ball into the net. to win the world cup.

7 Second greatest own goal ever.

The first Foxburgh Hibernian player to play for Foxburgh Wanderers Maurice Miller-Johnston was playing for wanderers in the uefa cup third round of 1984. With the Wanderers ahead 3-3 and going through on away goal rule. Maurice was chosen to take the corner kick. Suddenley he decided to put Hibs through. And shot the wanderers corner kick the full length of the pitch into the his own sides goal.

6 Greatest own goal ever

In injury time, with England 3-2 up in the world cup final of 1966 against Scotland , and awarded a penalty kick it looked certain that England would win the cup. Hamish McHaggis the famous Scot who decided to play for England was chosen to take the penalty kick. To everyone's surpirise he turned round and blasted the ball the full length of the pitch past a stunned England goally. The game was a draw in extra time and went to a replay. Unfortunately Scotland lost this 4-3 due to a dodgy refereeing decision. Scotland have won the world cup a record 38 times. The world cup started in 1872. It was played once every 3 years, for a couple of decades.

5 The Trojan goat

In the medieval days football was played between towns with a goat bladder and the contest was over many KM, over who get the bladder into the the other town. In one amazing decision Torjan verus Amridge. Trojan decdied to win the game by not telling Ambridge that they had not removed the bladder from the goat, yet and the goat was still alive. On the day before the match. A farmer from Trojan sold the goat containing the bladder to the mayor of Ambridge. Then to the shock of Ambridge the mayor of Trojan announced on the day of the contest that they has already won because the Ambridge mayor has taken the bladder into his own cty.

This is where the saying Trojan goat is from.

4 The trojan cake

The next year the people of Trojan tried a different trick they cooked the goat bladder in a bladder cake, and gave the cake as a present to the the mayor of Ambridge.

On the next day the major of trojan announced that as he had seen the mayor eating the cake, and since he was in Ambridge this meant the ball was technically located in Ambridge so Trojan had won. Then to his shock he saw the mayor of Ambridge standing in the town of Trojan rubbing his tummy asking for more bladder cake. His own plan had backfired. Handing the Mayor of Ambridge a famous victory.

3 Tony Lgdtjlr scores from being a goalkeeper,

In the Scottish Cup, Reykavik Iceland, Iceland's strongest team, competing as they do most years, with the best team in the Faeroes, in the early rounds, were leading Ambridge United 1-0, in what would be the greatest shock in cup history. With 20 minutes to go, and with only 8 players left, and 2 players injured the goaly, who was only in goal as the goalkepper, had been sent off. ran past the entire team and smashed the ball past the opposing team's defence from the edge of the box.

2. The goal line

On the last day of the season Ambridge United faced Ambridge Unoa, in a major title race. Unoa had not won the league in many seasons. They were 2-1 up, and needed another goal to force a goal difference win the title off their rivals. With only 2 minutes to go, on came the famed supersub, who been injured for 8 matches, a period when they had been overtaken. The supersub, saw the major opponents, keeping the ball on the corner line, a tactic they could use with ease as Unoa, only had 9 players, on the pitch. The corners were being made by kicking the ball off the Unoa, defenders. But then this time supersub instead of letting the ball run off his fellow team member, reached the goal line, and just sliced the ball, from his own goal line, so that it rose 10s of metres in the air past terrible rain, and landed in the opposing half, then bounced over the goaly. This deliberate act broke all of the players meta tarsels. Cheering Berfak Soviet fans, saw their statue of Lenin fall down, in their town centre celebrations, as of this result. and the complex calculations to do with that season's unsual unpopular experiments in pts and goal differnce. They rebuilt another statue though.

Equal 1. Scotland and the world cup. 1982.

The Dutch, brought the strongest team in their history. and reached the final to play Scotland.

Scotland, were 1 down, but would equalise after 48 minutes, and in what would end up a 3-2 World cup victory. The wingers were making crosses that amazed everybody. The best goal, was Scotland's first, Jimmy Toad, ran up the wing, and outran 3 defenders that were marking him. His blistering pace outran, the fastest defenders in the world, he then was at the corner spot and realised there was nobody there to pass to, He looked onto the pitch and noticed that the refere's assistant was still being was still being treated yes, still being treated by the goal line, by the assistants and that they had crowded round the goal, as part of the cheating Dutch strategy that was an attempt to stop any goals being scored, It had already helped defeat any goal attaempts in the semi final, except in the last minutes, as people knew if they shot at a injured player it would not matter if they were sent off. The honest referee knowing the rules dictated a player could be sent off for doing this. So our hero the winger took two steps, back then ran at the ball, and made a banana kick, that swung out to the egde of the box, then rising in the air, swung even more, so at a brief period it had even gone behind the other side of the goal, but then what became his trademark, circle, kick, it then rounded back, and went past an astonished gobsmacked keeper, who could not even move he was so astonished. Just a few seconds later, showing why he had to shoot from here, he was taken down by the opposing wingers. Without the ball, he was able to survive this attack. With the ball, he would not have been able to concentrate on jumping out the way.

1. Kestrel of amazement

The Kestrels were competing the European Cup Winners Cup, and in the Semis, against Barcelona. Above the Nou Camp, this season were a flock of kestrels. The Kestrels, were needing a goal, to reach the final on away goals rule. That is the football team the Kestrels. With a few minutes remaining, all seemed over, but on went on their star player, who was also a famous bird watcher. Barcelona, just to make sure against the free scoring Scots had lined their goal, with some defenders in clear cases of obstruction, that had won them a few recent Spanish league titles. But this guy the bird watcher, looked up to the sky, nobody knew what he was doing, he watched as every so often the same kestrel came swooping down to catch pigeons. He was given the ball on his own half way line, and flicked the ball onto his feet he volleyed it over a Barcelona, player, ran past caught the pigs stomach on his foot, and then headed it, then again, then again, walking past an oponent, jumping a few times, and then banged the ball in the air, everybody was amazed that such a skillful player had made such a boob. Till then the ball landed on top of that special kestrel, it then rolled off it's wing as it flew through the air, with the greatest of ease, and fell behind the Barcelona defenders splurting into the net. The Kestrels won the Cup Winners cup again soon.Some great goals scored in the 2006-2007 season start.

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A Comedy alternative history of Scottish Football