The Last Jokes Page
So Mr Perdy Snodgrass dresses up as a dog to get into the police, his police pal thinks he must be Dr Doolittle, in being able to speak to him, he solves the cases with the police man, jokes include, he has some very interesting leads, you see Snodgrass is holding some great leads,
I said get that fly off the tv, and it said, I am watching this
What does a boxer who greats cheese say, I am the graterest
What doers a general manager do, he manages generals,
I said I know him like the back of my hand, then I looked on the back of my hand, and my face dropped as white as a iceberg, I had never seen that tattoo, of the Mary Cileste on it before, Ho ho I do not really have any tattoos on it,
Which nation would be best at singing, the Union of Soviet Socialist Singing Republics, USSSR singing oh ha ha ha ha ha oh ha hah oh that is so funny, the least funny joke to do with the Soviet Union and singing written by men ever, and funniest on that subject too, oh ho ho ho ho
Ok we all had a great laugh at that,
People were saying, at the place I go and give loads of ideas to, I will keep your idea in mind, sometimes it is just the secratery, as for some reason the man I try to tell is not there, even though sometimes see him looking out the window, then needing to run away for something just as I wave at him, so to help them I bought a black board for them to write my rubbish ideas on, good idea, and write them on for them,
1 Man is walking along in the desert and says I need water I need water, the people say how long have you been lost, he says I am not I have just been having a hot curry in my picnic,
A man said, knock them out to a comedian, as he was going onto the stage, so he just said knock knock jokes
I can not believe how I did not get that job in the army base, I said, all the rabbits around their fence were great guard rabbits
Who would be the best cleaner singers, Bruce Springstein, and Dusty Springfield they could springclean
Those sheep that book coach trips must feel unhappy at the way they are transported in all those trucks,
I saw a sign that said Frozen Scallops, for so and so much cash, I said to myself that sounds painful,
Now thats funny
So you could say Abbysinisa when saying good bye, also Ethiopia, and also in World War One, instead of see you soon, Siegfreid Sasoon
So here is a translation of the complte works of Shakespeare to my imaginery language, jhsadjhsa
How annoying for bands who have their songs posted on you tube, not only are they not getting any money, but they have the ungrateful watchers slagging them off half the time too,
I read there is a company called Guess, it must be annoying for the people reading their report, they say and guess made 0.1 million dollars proffit from some deal, and people say gee I wonder who maybe it was Lonympics, or hey maybe it was Dell, people guess, it was Guess,
If you are alone, a good idea is to draw a face on your thumb and talk with Mr Thumb, though he may so how he is crazy ho ho I joke,
People says why he always lights up the room when he comes into the building, it is as he turns the light on
I said could I have a word, and the person said Yes, I said, that will do, thats one word,
Then I said, could I have a word, someone said, oh yes, I said, thats two, I only said one
Dogs maybe say It's a goldfishes life
A psychatrist who says you psychadelic man, as he takes drugs
One of those Tv programmes came on that sometimes have fake 1930s starts to make them look amateurish so I banged the DVD and it broke, it was not even on a DVd, no I did not
What about o n a game show, in the dark, ofthe audience, are loads of aliens watching with green heads,
If you are tired of smug people, a good idea is to support the bottom team in a league,
Like many famous stars I have a great aura when I go into rooms, for them it is charisma, for me it is my smell, ho ho no I am joking
Why not walk into a casino and throw monopoly money about, putting it in people's pockets saying hey buy yourself a treat, beacuse you would be thrown out
A book 100 things to do with tuna, I dread to think what is written in that book,
I did not understand the Philosphy lecture, so I thought the statements must be jokes, so half way through I styarted laughing heartilly at them all, ho ho only joking
Just imagine a eveil right wing military dictatorship captured a talk show host and tried to interogate him, in the end he would turn the table, and it would be, the interogater saying he grew up in blah blah, and said he want to torture school, and murder college, then blah blah, then he would leave, and the interviewer could escape,
What about all those people named after famous people, as they have the same surname, so their family call them that, in some places it may seem like they are being like a punk, pretending to have a famous persons' name, saying yeah, and also those people who are making punk like ways of saying things like Hey I am Elvis Pressley some people may say ok then and think they are called that, so they are stuck with that,
Why do people call it a stationery cuboard, surely there are no moving ones
Peaches Pizzas for food,
So Abbysinia later, even if Abbysinia first
So a insult of somebody having a unseen part of the body supposedly resembling a part of a animal, a satire on people who call people things they are not, like somebody getting called tiger tail,
I was told I needed to give more unusual presents so I gave a salamander a lepricorn, and a Nessie,
This actually happened, I am a man but still think it was funny as the interviewer was a liberal, A man was said well you know maybe the reason there are so few women in politics, is as they are not talented enough, he said this to play devils advocate to a woman, or he believed it, he said it a other way which sounded like oh it may be true, the woman then said, what if somebody said that about men, he then spluttered in a way that made it sound as if he thought ot was outrageous, hoh ho well I suppose us men wopuld all react like that, but then he said, just imagine somebody said that about women they would be a outrage, he did say it, ha hah ha hilarious,
The thing I do not like though is 20 years ago, we were in the boys group, and we shouted louder than the girls, but teh theatre man said the girls shouted louder, I still am angry about that,
So a football trainer was saying treat the ball like your lover, then a man says stop kicking her like that, you ****
I say the anti swearing lobby probabably hate our jokes, even though there are few swears, just like everybody else actually,
What about that sayiong there is always somebody worse off than yourself, talk about encouraging schardenfreude
I may have said this joke elsewhere, the last Time I do this, I saw a man on a bike, that was funny looking I said to myself it's bozo the clown, about 200 metres down the road in my car,
So what about that song, where about LA they sing la la land, what about the urge to just go la la la la la la la la la through the song, or you may not know the words and still be felt to knmow iot as of going la la la
So a good excuse for shouting foul mouthed at a other driver, while you are driving, and the police seeing this is to say, oh sorry I was drinking I had a few pints, I am not normally like this, hey where are you taking me, oh that guy over there, drove terribly, I don't know where you are taking me,
So a bad thing to do in a posh cafe would be to put your finger up your nose pull out some not and say oh magnifique to all the times you put it in your mouth, you would seem mad, and crazy, but it is a funny thought, and very witty, and I have never done it, and people should not,
So here is a good joke, to never dod, aswell, here, what about you give some person a paper weight, and it is just a big boulder, and then you put it on the person's glass table and it breaks,
People say that people should teach like old days eras, huh, well, but I remember if I brought a quill to school people would say that was wrong, so that shows they old fashionists are just unable to come up with good new ideas at times,
What about joke items, well just imagine you walked into somewhere and you almost stood on some fake do, then you shook hands with a guy he has a buzzer, he says ok i'm soorry see thuis flower then quirts it in your face, then says sorry you can sit and you sit on a whoppe cushion,
So the fanous version would be a clerical figure does the buzzer to you, a ambassasor the whoppee cushion, a charity person the flower thing, and dog doo on a Hollywood thing where they are gioving a actor a square by other actors, on his footprint
Here is my satire on right wing lunatics, who excuse their bad behaviour abroad, by saying it is the culture there, they go to the shop and steel in a area famed in their own country for high crime, and they say who am I to impose my values of not steeling on these people, then they do lots of other stuff like that, some depraved,
Anyway, people say they support complimentary medicine, what is that like, the medicine is poured out and says, good day you are looking good,
Anyway I was followed by the CIA today, ho ho no just the number plate had CIa in it, it was not the CIA,
What about a scene in a movie a baddy tries to escape from the goodies, he unties the rope, and shouts see ya later losers, laughing and then while walking away fastly he falls off the cliff that appears
In the chronicles of Riddick, a good movie in some ways, very good, the baddy uses his super powers to go very fast and part way through the fight pointlessly kicks Riddick in the bottom, silly thing to do, I think he does that I may be wrong,
What about some thugs who have love written on one hand and hate on the other, what about one person who has glove on one, knuckles, and hats on the other to remember his clothes
When wroting a list of famopus fictional Scottish people, we did not i8nclude Mrs Doubtfire as she was made up, even though she is fictional,
So more jokes below, but I have to say, I am a outspoken fellow, I am the kind of person who calls a manually operated stick that has a plate bit at the end that helps lift dirt to other parts of the ground stick, a manually operated stick that has a plate bit at the end that helps lift dirt to other parts of the ground stick.
An example of jokes we thought of
Some hilarious joke ideas for newspapers
A link to the hilarious comedy
A Website for billionaires to read
Cheap Flights ideas including to London - Comedy
London Estate Agents Comparision Website - Comedy
The Jok Shop, a link to a Joke shop for those who forget to add the letter E,
Here is a page of less funny jokes,come back to this page if you don't like it, http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokesmore.htm
Now some more really laugh out loud jokes, More Jokes we thought of
Cottages in Lincolnshire Comedy
And more http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokeslasters.htm
A site saying some ideas of how to improve yourself
The Website -
Oregon Coast Cottages with Jokes
The end of this great site here are some more jokes http://www.lonympics.co.uk/Jokesfurther.htm
Car Cheap Insurance - Get Cheap Car Insurance from here
http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokesagain2.htm More great jokes http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokesmore2.htm Even more jokes, there are some jokes sites not on this site, listed on our other jokes sites, that are listed on this site, we have 100s of great jokes in this network of websites.
And our last jokes page, of our many joke pages
Now some other people's jokes, better look at our other pages, And also some knock knock jokes we thought up
This page is our index page of all our joke pages, but there are some joke ideas on other pages