A friend of mine is an artist and went to France to do impressionism, when he came back he got off the train, he was great he was all hoh hee ho, Bonjour, Hoh he hoh, he got the highest mark ever for this.A friend of mine is an artist and went to France to do impressionism, when he came back he got off the train, he was great he was all hoh hee ho, Bonjour, Hoh he hoh, he got the highest mark ever for this.A friend of mine is an artist and went to France to do impressionism, when he came back he got off the train, he was great he was all hoh hee ho, Bonjour, Hoh he hoh, he got the highest mark ever for this. Today I heard that Dracula had been slayed, by a steak pie, with lots of crisps, and sandwiches, yes it was buffet the vampire slayer,
I said, to somebody that English Mountains are like mole hills compared to Scottish mountains.
One
day there was a battle of the bands in School, and one band played and they were
great so another played of it and they were better, they each played 2 more songs
which just got better and better then there was another band and they just yelled
and were rubbish
I was presenting a award to a opera singer, on stage, and I said, this is a edition of what not to wear.
Another terrible fashion paux was to wear a beaver on his head, that Davie Crockett, he would be chucked out of the Milan Fashion shows for that
Your pal Boom Rang, I told him to ring back, Boomerang, of course he will,
Why are so many people who play cricket like Phil Tuffnell, and Shane Warne nasty pieces of work and bullies, terrible people, (in my opinion) as the devil makes work for idle hands, all they do all day is stand around as fielders.
Which Scottish lochs are the most loch like, Lochness, and Loch Lochy, loads of lochness and very lochy,
What about all those pedestrians in New York and London, in movies they are just the same people coming back and forth, and reality they are too,
If Beethoven was born in the 1970s he would be called can not stop the beat hoven
What about a really lame circus, 2 people could do, which includes throwing cushions to eachother, we have 1 each and catch them and then throw like juggling, also things like tug of war have eachother in playing loads of things. Then the lights come down and show one of us, shouting the Jaws theme tune, then we say one last thing, with a piece of card and sing a song about comedienes, then we show one last thing, and sing the start of the tune to jaws, then sinmg she drives my crazy going off that beat,
Which Egyptian pharoe was the best singer, Toot Toot Tootin khamun
Housemousetrapdoorwaywardentrancendental
Just Like Superman when I go to Golf courses I have to hide my super powers, I always pretend I can only hit the ball 60 yards, when everybody else hits far further,
A psh voice says, hilarity ensued,
We have loads of great websites about great subjects one of us put on one about the Derwent Hippo, a kind of sewage thing, I said, that nobody would be interested in that, so one of us, said the people of Derwent would be, then I said, in my Oscar Wild impression, I most indubatebly would say not even the indubatable people of Derwent would most indubatebly say that the Derwent hippo is of interest to the people of Derwent
People say giving presents is as rewarding and fun as as recieving, I always used to wonder what on Earth is true about that, with all the effort, no free gift, money spent, what on Earth could be, now I realise, for instance when I bought some DVD of my fave comedy for my brother, yes in that case, giving was as good as recieving, but I tell you, only as I knew was going to watch them too, ha ha ha
I saw a street called Narrow Lane, this is like a merging of health and safety and good namers, as it helps you realise what you are nearing
People could pretend to drink it with their fingers, alien style and make beeping noises
When I was doing computer science I was asked to learn Cobol and Java, I said, come on, don'y you just have to speak loudly in English and everybody will understand, boom boom, of course we should learn more foreign languages really
(Posh voice says, And hilarity ensued)
The biggest mistake we have made in our websites was when I wrote a site on the terrorbirds, of 2 million years ago, and tried to write that they could chase people, and kill us, if they had existed at the same times as us humans. I forget to add the word could, so it looked like I was reiterating a ridiculous idea that they did actually chase and eat people. which they did not, though they could have. And the fact that scientists say they may have done kung fun style attacks with their legs on people, was the worst thing mixed into that, It would have looked like I was claiming terrorbirds regularly do kung fu attacks on people, and eat us, but hey thats life, I have corrected that and have looked over the rest of our websites there are no mistakes, I had not even put that site up yet. So this website is accurate and brilliant. All websites and books, have mistakes in,
Why doesn't a US soldier cover himself in Christmas tree baubles, then he can become a esteemed writer on arms affairs maybe even defence secratery as he will be the most decorated soldier in US history.
Proof Giants exist is those giant Bread lorrries, the large bread loaf inside it is carrying must be huge
My other comedy idea is a tv documentary where somebody is pretending to do a aliens dont exist documentray and aliens are there all the time, it is a satire on those programmes which say see the conspiracy is wrong, about every conspiracy theory, maybe these gusy are right but its a satire, on their way, hilarious.
What about a tv programme where the man goes to try and improve a business each week, except in one, he uncovers a ancient pyramid style religon in one of the companies,
I wonder if Jesus never shut the door, after all he was born in a stable, so he would be like that saying about not shutting the door were you brought up in a barn
On the road once I was almost flushed in water, as I was driving a long and saw a puddle, that a car smashed through spashing up loads of water, I was not able to reach my window turner, but then just did, and I drove on 2 yards later my car was covered in water, and then again, and I was late and on a cold day it would have been horrible
In football at school I scored gaols sometimes, but not allways sometimes, I like some other people, were told by the PE teacher, don't be afraid of the ball, but then everybody is told do not cahse after the ball, maybe the ones who did that all the time, were tactical geniuses,
Just imagine Tim Burton Lee, who invented the internet just turned it off,
The early humans must have been really hard, harder than anybody todaym, just imagine saying hmm I think I shall domesticate that wolf, and turn into a pet,
What about some gangsters, who pay for a guy they hear is called scar face, to come to their den, they think they can use him, it turns out he is a 1930s tap dancer called scarf face, who wears a scarf.
Maybe when doctors meet they do not get attracted by looks, but by the quality of liver, and heart etc etc and other internal organs
The Encyclopedia, of art would be a good name for Art Garfunkel's biography
We could have remixed carol songs,
A good thing to say to a billioanire is I give you half my 10 pound lottery win, and you hey you give me half your money, here have half my cake Now share and share alike, ok whats yours is yours and mine is yours,
What about people who try to impress people by claiming they wrrote this song that is playing on the radio, then they turn round and who they are talking to is the superstar who wrote it,. like Elvis, talk about embaressing,
Why do I like genuine female geese's left upper limbs, as I like left wing proper ganda,
I managed to wangle myself a appintment at the dentist at the lucrative 2 30 time
Somebody could bid a record 300 million pounds for Van Gogh paintings, and then sign the cheque Mickey Mouse, hilarious,
This site really is a laugh a minute, if you laugh at one minute intervals,
My joke 4 lads from Liverpool joke, just 4 people, from Liverpool, not singers, like footballers,
Just imagine hearing in a space in a opera, between music, fart fart fart, cough, sneeze, sneeze, buuuuuuurp.
One time we saw a Slideshow, and the teeth were all so terrible and horrible as of bad dentistry I could not look anymore, and they said look at the slideshow,
That reminds me of the time a genie decided to reward me, for saving him, and I was allowed to go any where in the world, at any time, and come back again, sadly I got the dates of when I was asked in 2006 muddled with some date to do with the building of the pyramids, and Egypt with where I live,
In college, there was a guy called the Trickster, he used to put cling film, over the toilets, fill hospitals with ketchup, set off fire alarms, and all that, one day there was a interviewer, who was set for his PHD, request, the lady said, I don't like practical jokers, then he came in, and did his buzzer hand shake, hoh hoh, so he did not get it, Actually I made him, up, a relief he never existed,
If you have a 5 Iron from Golf, you can say all the time, I am just going out to the Golf Club, when you go outside, you are not going to the Golf course, just to look at your Golf Club,
I said to some weight lifters, I can lift more than you, with a fork lift truck. ho hoh
I pretended cryptonite on TV was harming me, hilariously witty thing to do,
How do you make a South African white wine, Defeat the South African rugby team,
I was talking to my brother, I said whats that, he said it's a radiator, I said, well turn it on, I want to listen to some music.
When I need the toilet in Alph where the sacred river, ran I could say, I am just going to do a Zanadu,
And A man's got to do what a man's got to do, when I am in a western movie,
Here is a joke
He was a great respecter of the tails
of his forebears, yes polar bear tail, black bear tail, spectacled bear tail,
and teddy bear tail
What sort of movies do Wasps like watching Bee Movies,
Wasps B team the rugby team, ho ho, some people did not laugh at that I said stuff you stuff you, in my head
A road sign uxsed to say bear left, but the bears were so angry at this invasion of their privacy they took it down,
People in Dundee Scotland sometimes phone people in Perth, Australia, instead of nearby Perth, Perthshire, well what about Crocodiles, they always phone Crocodile Dundee,
What does a seal say to a shark, see a leter,
No wonder the England team lost the Ashes in 2007, they should have been training upside, down
If I was in a prison captured by enemy forces and about to be executed for spying on them my last request would be a violin, then I would bash them over the head with it,
To add to our Mount Everest joke about a brick we did on another page, why not go to the Source of the Nile, and do the toilet in it then you can claim to be the source of the Nile.
What country in South America, has the slowest service (Not really this is a joke) A Que at the Door.
The saying water water everywhere but not a drop to drink, is true about public toilets in many railway stations, and bedaes, and those water cups they give you in some cafes to wash your hands with
Cars are exhaust ed and tyre ed,
I was reading a script and when I was falling over all the time, I was saying BBBBBB, BBBBBBBB, the director said what is this, we all realised there has been a spelling error actually I was supposed say, aaaaaaaaaaa aaaa
Walter Raleigh may have comitted some ruthless massacres, but on the bright side he was the first man to smoke a potato, and eat mashed tobacco,
What about a stabnd up comedian who comes on dressed as a dog, and makes dog jokes, about life as a dog
A Candy camera where a ghost is on a cctv camera, where the shop keeper can see the shop and no ghost,
Where is mouse's valhala, Cheesehire,
What does a lepricorn say when standing for President, I stand for the little people,
What is a ducks fave late night food, quackers,
Al Pacino could do a sequal to scent of a woman, called scent of a man, it would be smelly, and the feet could smell like cheese,
The thing that would really get on Fox Hunters nerves, is if the leader of the anti Fox hunting groups took off their masks, and showed themselves to be foxes, it wiuld get on their nervesm so start laughing,
England's Football team in in 2007 have a left winger called Lennon, so that is l;ike Russia in 1917
What does the South West of England have to go to a dermitologist, as it has Exmoor,
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