The Old Firm an Alternative History
In the late 1990s, Scottish Football started to do worse, so the Scottish Football Association decided it would attract interest from dwindling crowds, by making everything up. Rangers, and Celtic were to be replaced by actors, and the rest of the league saw budgets fall, and acting schools of Rangers and Celtic fill their squads. Aberdeen Acting School also started to produce new talent for the Dons.
Scottish teams for 3 years as of bad pitches were chucked out of European competition. With the Scottish International team for 4 years.
In the first season, it was again a Celtic Rangers, season, the Board of the SFA decided that Celtic would lead all to the end of the season then Rangers on the last day would win the league. Celtic goalkeeper Sylvester Stallone, made some of the greatest saves in history, but Rangers strikers, Ally McCoist, and Fred Macauley the guy who used to star on the caht show with him, scored 2 goals against Dunfermline to win while Celtic ran in a draw.
The public had been fooled into believing this was not just a actors league, but really was the same league as before.
The next season, Football chairmen, saw Alex Ferguson win the League again with Man Utd, so it was decided the Fergie effect was needed, so they would restart the New Firm, Aberdeen, were able to sign supposed great players, such as a Brazilian Soap Opera star, and a former British soap actor, claimed to be a top Brazilian striker. Plus a man who had been in some adverts. This new strike force and midfield was then added to a quarter of the way through the season, with a new goalkeeper, witha star from Taggart quiting to do it. In choerographed roles, Aberdeen then went through the season in great style and ended up winning the league. But this was a disaster half way through the season for Old Firm attendances. So half way through they again saw matches fixed to make them rise up the table.
The next season this momentous climb continued so again it was a Rangers Celtic walk, with Celtic winning the title by 7 pts. Rangers signed a few old players in their 40s, who had been World Cup Players in the 1980s, but these were teams of actors.
Celtic's player had difficulty being interviewed by English TV stations as of the strongness of his Scottish accent. The big strikers repuation for toughness adds to gates. In reality he is a Classicly trained actor, from Southern England, who is planning to break into Shakespeare again if this raises his name. In retaliation for this the Ramgers team late in the season campaigned on the board of directors for the act to help them more, as of this there was more open play, and leaving games to chance with just drama added as spice to games. With many games fixed so the top teams would do best. Rangers signed a Roy Race style striker, late in the season, he became their best player.
At the end of the season Scottish football was on the crest of a boom with record attendances. With 100,000 filling the pre planned 5-4 win to Hearts in the Cup Final over Celtic. With the pre planned crying at the lifting of the cup by the captain. Then the board realised at the end of the season that they were in Europe next season.
Panic spread the league, especially as massive conraxcts made it the case that the players had to play in the league and Europe next season.
The board was in disstress, especially as one of the reasons for the record rise, was as of mid season matches in the 2 seasons before against a Film School from Barcelona, who were claimed to be the real Barcelona who were beaten 4-1 by Celtic, and a match against Estudios E-Commerce a Uruguyan team who were beatn 6-0 by Hibs, this was claimed to be the South American Champions. The board realised if playing real footballers the league would be found out and attendances would crumble. So along came the draw for Europe, the league managed to get Hibs to withdraw caliming they could not afford to go. But this still left Rangers, Celtic and Hearts. Hearts forfittd their match claiming their players had flu, while Rangers were also able to claim they had flu. The publicity unit managed to make Scottish football fans still realise Celtic were the best team in the world, though. The whole of Scottish Footbal was shocked, but Celtic then confirmed Scottish fans feelings of being best in a 2-0 win over a Team from the Balkans, and a 1-1 draw. There were some allegations of corruption but these were unsubstantiated.
So Celtic managed to qualify for the Champions League, in a group on their own with Manchester United. (A special 2 member group as Fifa ranking were changed to allow for the feeling that Scottish football must be the best in the world). With the top 2 qualifying to the next round, the winner, plus the seond team, if the worst second placed team in the Champions League scvore under 10 goals in their group.
This seemed to confirm the idea being sent around the whole British media that Scottish football is the most exiting in the world. Especially as the BBC then showed a Sunday Old Firm, match, the fixed game had incredibly exiting performances and a 2-2 draw just a few days before Man Utd were about to arrive at Celtic Park for the Battle of Britain grudge match.
The players went on the pitch, expecting a easy when against the English Champions, but were shocked to find that the Man Utd team had not read the script, Which they had sent them a week before, as they do against most teams, except the more open games, aiming for Celtic 4-0 home Victory. Indeed Manchester United scored a goal in the first 4 minutes. And another 2 minutes later. At this point the Celtic players realised that these players were not actors but that they were like the games they used to play in school against players who were trying. At half time it was 9-0 to Man Utd, The Celtic team in the dressing room, practiced their acting, and thought about how to do better. The final score is 17-0.
The second leg is a 21-1 defeat for Celtic. This is a disaster for Scottish football it is claimed.
The public and media were horrified at these scores.
In the press conference the next day the manager claimed that Celtic won 2-0 in both legs, and just ignored any other idea. So the media publicity campaign showed this as the result. Everybody else knew the score was not this, and started to investigate if something funny was up. The headline of the major tabloid soon read All scores made, up players are actors.
But Celtic were still in The European Cup,
The actors felt they had let down Scotland so started traing more heavilly.
So in the end they played the next game in the quarter Final,
They got a 3-0 defeat to Real Madrid with everybody impressed at this result. But Real were then disqualified for fielding a ineligable player, with Celtic going through to the semis,
In the semis they managed a 0-0 draw at Home against Dinamo Kiev, then a shock 1-0 win over a flu ravaged team. Everybody still felt that the team was just lucky, and not just more talented.
In the Final though this lie was dissproved as Celtic ran out 47-0 winners over Manchester United.
The next season Aberdeen started their 12 in a row Champions League run, just with actors, and Scotland their 6 World Cups in a row run.
The End
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