Best joke

I was walking along the main street and saw a plaster was stuck to the pavement, I said, to myself, wow, so thats what they mean, by this urban renewal project only being a sticky plaster solution to the problem, I thought well the chewing gum solution these so called experts normally do is far more useful

So I was walking along, and saw a crane had dropped some roofers stuff onto some scaffolding, and the roofers were in a apanic, aI thought these people arer like when I put a desk together and find the legs are facing the wrong way etc. etc. I guess if they made a furniture store, they would have the doors on the roof, and the only wy to get in would be via a upside down window a floor up via ladder, like me making a desk,

So someone wrote a book satying say yes to everything, just imagine you worked in a phone call place where you do cold calling that would hurt you where the sun don't shine, all the phones you were supposed to stick in a area.

This page is full of jokes that could be considered by some the best jokes, it is out last jokes page

Just imagine you fell over, and your fall was broken by a haystack, but you fell on a needle, or if you fell from a plane, into a haystack, and into the needle in it, oh oh that would hurt

Why did the doctor cross the road, to get to the other side,

Chicken Chicken, every body thinks I am a cat

What about me I'm a doctor everybody thinks I am a chicken, so get off that couch anyway

Or if you were swearing a football match, and the ref took something out of his pocket, you think it's a car, but it's a biscuit to keep you quiet

Just imagine I had to put your dirty old clothes in the recycing compost heap, the worms would faint,

The best way of pulling a woman, is to play them in tug of war contests,

What about in American football you say you are great, and will win them the game, then they make you the quarter back, as you said, you were great in this position, when somebody said so, and said you had done loads of thr unning that they said was needed, but they soon find you do not know, the game or the rules, and you were lying for this big team, to get the experience, for the 1st down, they say hup hup, and throw it back, you are facing the wrong way, the next time it hits you in the bottom, as you still are, they say whats going on, you say I will run great this time, I was just warming up, they say ok, this move, whatever, they say I don't know, what move, they throw it back and you are running 10 metres to the left already, the end of the joke,

There is Kannada in India, and Canada in North America,

I saw Pringles bouight more cloth or something I thought oh no pringles cripss are going to taste bad, they meant the pringles wool company jumpers

Birthday jokes could include one about a new design, for a costume, as of less and less clothing the somebody's no clothes,

lets email jokes like these about, they are great

What does a typical rich playboy prince say, when he has broken down, my kingdom my kingdom for a porshe,

A happy fact, the 2 biggest teams from Northern Scotland are knicknamed Caley and the Dons, so merged together that is Caleydons, like Caledonia the Latin name for Scotland.

What about a political chat programme, and on the introduction there are sitting round the table, who have 3 people, plus 1 who is in a dog's costume on a serious programme

I was playing someone in snooker, and I said, they were a really bad sport, they said but what about when I tapped the table to congratulate your shot, I said, but that was only to vibrate the white into the hole, and cause a foul shot

If you have no hat to tip to people, put a cup on your head or a cat to do this

What about these people obbssesed with clocks, who have clocks on their walls, to see the time, or these people obssessed with flutes who practice all day, and are in orchestras and are paid money, thats a ironic joke making fun of people who say things like that

So what about a rich Iraqi millionaire buys a stake in the Milk industry he couldbe a milk sheikh,

So a good trick is when you are complaining in a shop to do a pretend phone call, and say I am phoning your boss, but sadly they do not believ you, as it is not a mobile phone you are pretending to hold it is a imaginery 1960s style normal phone, and jamming it back on the thing, they will just laugh out of the shop. Also pick up the phine when with friends and you need something you cam say, ok now its time to call in some favours from the USA, hello is that the President, or maybe hello people pf America, or maybe Hello is that the President of then say any random land, great idea, to impress people, or not, so maybe not,

So that movie phone booth what about it happens to the man who organised the phone booth thing v the other guy hey that would be it wouldn't it, that would serve him right, he didn't think about that, the guy who was in the movie, it could happen to him, he would not like it,

A car mechanic said give me some buts so I gave him some peanuts

So today I looked out the window, and a plastic bag was going around like a ghost and a wind was blowing like a ghost,

I saw a job vacanacy thing that said 7hrs and kept on thinking 7 years as I miss read it, and thought so they have to work for 7 years non stop

Some people pose with newspapers that saw them do something famous, and some do it proof of them being somewhere on some day, not that is a good piece of proof, there to be made out of that, that could be very funny, I can not be bothered writing it, I do not feel like it,

I read somewhere Lonympics has the best Jokes in the world I can't remember where,

So anyway Mr Lonympics said he could be the new sucessor to Van Damme, in action movies, but at the end of his forcast 30 movies, he was seen in the last scene running away from the baddy saying I can't handle this stuff, I am moving to a desert island, a bit like all the action hero stars did anyway, they all found some way of getting out of doing their action hero stuff, the cowards,

Lonympics has the best jokes in the world

Anyway another joke we used to do, was one of us would blow his face up by breathing in, and make himself seem more like a balloon man, so then pretend he had turned inmto a mad crazy man, not speaking, throwing things about,

So anyway another joke is to make conversation, so people could make it many ways they could sit by people and say, Hmm I hear Kazak nuclear radon machines are up 60% or well you know, and a James Bond style character, or the guy from, Mission impossible, after the tapes have been destroyed is sitting by a friend, and feels he has to make conversationm, he says, the whole plan, or to a starnger, he has never met,

So that man in the movie Bergarac, he makes 100 Jokes about having a bigger nose, so many of us, would in the same situation start saying the same stuff, when a thug insults us, hmm, no not really yesterday I beat a thug in a slanging match it was good, and I was safe, he even hit my window, in teh car, and for some reason, it did not break, he just went aaarrghh, and it was like superman, where the guy hits Superman with a metal thing than starts vibrating, as like my window it was a hard thing to hit, ho ho it was so funny, never happened to me before, a thug attacking me in my car, anyway he made a crazy driving error, then was foaming at the mouth, I insulted him and calmly drove off, I would not have wanted to fight him after al, if I lost as likely I woul just have been harmed mentally, if I won a very unlikley event I would have ended up having a police record, and be seen unfairly as a thug, So a good event, which could have been terrible

So A woman called Whiplash is a dominatrix, and a man called Mr Whippy is a ice cream salesman, big difference there,

So a good way to get a pony tail, it to put your head up the back of a horse

So I was visited by the Grim Reaper yesterday he appared in front of me, I said who are you, he said I am death, I then shouted Who are you, he then dissapared,

So what do a wooly kangaroo, a wooly car and asheep hve in common, they can be Wolly pullovers and wolly jumpers, or can be at least obne of them

So here we are at the Presidential Convention of the Monster party, the word count of the candidate for the Monster Party, 10000 mentions of Cookie, in this 10000 word speech,

So if I had been prosecuted for my brilliant driving, when the thugs tried to overtake me on the roundabout, when I drove brilliantly back in front, when if I had stopped I would have been crashed into, I could have said, if there were police watchinf, magistrates Yes I did notice, that the Police and the police officer was looking at pictures of the devil and praying, and that the drivers behind me were killing farm animals, yes then the magistrates would say, he is innocent, let him of, that would work for speeding too, Not HO HO,

So what about a king who is saying make everything ok for my coronation, make sure the crown is there for my head and the throne to sit on, so I can oppress my people, then he say, ok here I am he sits down he sayss, aaaarghh, he is sitting on the crown, annd then somebody puts the throne on his head,

So I said in thed debate, you sir, you are a oxymoron,

The Lonympics land football team is the subject of a bid 2 millionaires, a Milk Sheikh, and a Fridge Magnet, no sorry what is that you want to swap your fridge magnet and Milk Shake, for the ownership of the team, no deal,

So what about at a football match, and you were in the crowd, and they called you to get your car that had been parked wrong, they say on the tanoy, then the annuncer gets it mixed up and you end up going on the field

Maybe if I was in a violent situation, I would do my famed IMPRESSION, of a coward, I like doing that joke, in such circumstances,

What about that programme the planet's funniest animals, how come humans are rarely on,

A safari, is really a zoo, where all the animals have escaped,

What about a walk on ceremony for a sporting event, where famous people come on, and are cheered, it gets 1000s long, and even to the level of extras on soap operas coming on,

Or you are in a football satdium , and you say the people below, look so far away, they look like they are tiny insects, then your pal says turn round, stop looking at those ants,

I saw a football match in a new stadium, the good thing about the match being so boring was that the paint was drying, and we could watch that,

I was at a bus stop and someone said, that person is always looking at me, at this bus stop, it was the maniquin,

So 2005 should have been a big year for zoos, as they look the same

So a person could stand somewhere and a mohecan style thing is behind hinm, so he looks like he has a mohecan,

So what about a person comes to your town from abroad, and is important, he makes a speech, and asks you for some help in saying a local dialect word, so you decide to embaress this guy you feel is trying to steal your publicity and say says wicky bicky flicky wickiy so he does and he then replaces you as mayor.as it so popular a thing a witty thing to say

An example of jokes we thought of

Some hilarious joke ideas for newspapers

A link to the hilarious comedy

Magellan, the Script

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A site on giant sloths

A site saying some ideas of how to improve yourself

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http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokesagain2.htm More great jokes http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokesmore2.htm Even more jokes, there are some jokes sites not on this site, listed on our other jokes sites, that are listed on this site, we have 100s of great jokes in this network of websites.

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Now some other people's jokes, better look at our other pages, And also some knock knock jokes we thought up

This page is our index page of all our joke pages, but there are some joke ideas on other pages

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