Embaressing moments in my life, (and other people's too) that never got that bad., though there are some pertebing things, I would not put on the worst moments, as that is too unhappy.
Said bugger as people walked past
My car broke, and I said bugger as some people walked past,
I walked into a ladies toilet's as I the sign had men and women;'s toilet, and the men's toilet was to the left and I walked past it, waked in twice, but ionly on coordiorr, not in, and women pushing out stopped me they were laughing,. did not stop me, just in way, so i turn bavk,
Shook hands with man
I heard John Major, gives a good hard hand shake, acccording to one of those people who fall for any statements, that right wing people, are all honest, and heard that is a sign of honesty so when 16 shook hands with a stranger in school, gripping his hand tight, next day a pal, did the same to me, obvuiosly the rather unfair, teachers, had told everybody,
I ran over a pheasant's tail. not unhappy as I realised some delib kill em, and i did not, so me good,
I pulled off my car brake, and started going down, hill and almost crashed into a car, as the stearing wheel, stuck, I went just past before I could stop, as the lucj was there, I could have crashed into a car, which 2 minutes later 2 people got into,
I once said I don't belive in spiders, when somebody said our cafe is covered in them, to everybody
Me and my bro were almost on Man Utd tv but decided not to be,
Me and a bro of mine, were watching a movie called the Departeed a gangster movie, down with gangsters of course, anyway we both thought Di Caprio and Matt Damon were the same character as he was looking at the computer and me at a piece of paper, the only time they passed eachother at the start, and I missed it being one of them who was being talked to by the police, so as they look the same we thought they were the same people, for a while near the middle I was thinking is this guy got a split personality, it was quite confusing, then along came them watching a deal about micro processors, Di Caprio was in the warehouse, and Damon in the video room, what is happening we were saying, I was wondering, a bit a minute before this scene I think if they were the same person, but before a few minutes before I thought they were the same person, anyway, and in this watching the warehouse scene, I was wondering did I miss he had a twin, and did he make it they are just watching a video, anyway we had to understand was the film was all about all over again, I think on a split second earlier I did think what great acting by Matt Damon to look so different, at times, but usually he looked just the same, and I thought well thats what actors do, earlier there were times, when I was wondering who is Matt Damon working for, I thought he was on the goodies side, not the baddies, after this moment wwe realised he was a baddy, and Di Caprio was a goody, it was not Matt Damon being the Di Caprio goody, Turns out I looked on the internet and some other people thought they were the same person for a hour too, this is hilarious and fantastic,
I asked how much do floppy disks, cost they said, 50, i said is there anyhwere else you can get them, I can not afford that, they aid 50 p, I said yes i can, i thought you meant 50 pounds, first time i bought em
i have rejected 3 women's advances, accidently, thats maybe 4, or 6, and not accepted any, accidentely, well i been insulted to much by them,
I was looking out of my big bro's window, as he had a tv, and a woman, in a towel appeared who then nudged her boyfirned to look at me angrilly, well in away embaressing but what sort of idiot leaves her curtain open when she is having a a shower, she the idiot
I was asked which caes was most intresting, the man turned roundm, after i told him eth fraud case, as I like dteh idea of it, actually nothing happend in that magesitares court case,
Unembaressing moment a seagul stole a burger from, me, it flew down a nd took it
One time, I had to drive some, people somehwre, I took a wrong runing ion the 18 mile jounrey, and then when we got there I saw the sign, we went in and UI realised this was the high school next to the hospital we were sup[posed to be going, to well they had the same names, anyway we went back out and then into the hospital,.
Cases that did not ahppen but could have
I was looking up at a bird, so put my camera up at it, and a woman, appreare in the window, dumbo having a a shower, so I photoed her, and she got her boyfirend and they chased me away, and I sold the photoes for a million diollars
One day in univsierty some idiot took loads of pans, i dreamt i made food the night, and next day i was aked if i had had my pans taken, i said they had been returned, as i belibed the dream was real, then realised it was dull dream, then i looked in wardrobne they were still gone, anyhow they came back, some moron psycho must have taken them
I sprayed a wasp with De icer
Onec I drove along a road, and saw traffic lights, with what looked like a lorry and land rover, as part of the trafic lights work team, I drove ahead of them, and what to me looked like a narrow space for a car to park, I thought it was too little room, really to park your car at a traffic lights, the workman there looked at me as if he could not believe it horrified at what I had done, , I looked round and saw the land rover had a person inside, as did the lorry both were the que the workman started laughing,
One day me and my twin brother were playing Jona Lomu Rugby, we reached past some levels, and some special teams came up, a team of Jona Lomus, and the company made up selects team, I said I would be Lomu first, I said, don't go mad, If I crush you, in the end it turned out hthe select team were computer 7 foot players, and better than the Lmu team, I went mad, as I was crushed,
One time a job interbiew place phoned us, and while I was on the phone our door made rasberry noisesd, as the wind was making it as it had broken a bit, so it sounded like I was making that noise, WHENEVER I stopped speaking, I could not explain, maybe that is why I did not get the job,
One day I was in a college project, and we were asked to draw a hillfort, and all walk round it, I went round it, and drew 2 entances, it turned out there was only 1, I went round it twice, and there must have been something funny about that day, as I thought a dog I saw before was a fox,
One time Spanish people in my local town asked me is there anywhere to eat and I said, Macdonalds, when they obvisouly wanted a rich place.
A seagull, landed bird dung on me,
One time on a University course everybody was asked to go round a hillfort and draw, it, I did, and I went round, and thought I saw a fox, then I went round, cutting off, a bit of the journey, and saw a entrance and a large amount of the rest of the class were at this bit now, then I felt I'd cut off and head to the rest of the hillfort, So We all went back, and I heard the lecturer say, there is only one entrance. So I had drawn 2 entrances and just insanely walked round twice, doing stupid cut a bit off the journey tricks, and the fox, was just a dog that I saw before I went round the hillfort that was with us, I thought it was a fox, as I thought it would be very difficult for the dog to have gotten all the way round here without me seeing. But i learned from that Mistake, the best planning is good lesson I ever learned was when 2 nights in a row my window rattled and I could not get up, I was so tired, then 1 night I summoned teh energy to do so, put some paper in, it stopped rattling I was able to get to sleep easilly, so even at the most tired hottible cold feeling times, planning is better than just living past it at times, other people maybe learn this lesson earlier, but it is a important one to learn, I still at times are tooo lazy to obey, or do not have enough energy or effort at times to plan,
Once I put a plastic bag in a bin, and it blew out and stuck to my car window.
Another time, I was talking to some family members, and I said, I wonder why I looked so funny in that pic, and I accidently let slip I was taking some of the other people's cannabis, though I have only smoked it twice, and do not smoke, it's rubbis for me,
I had a sleep as I was tired in my office, actually just put my head down for 10 seconds, and when I looked up, a window cleaner was there,
I wondered what me in gees were thats meringues,
I was afraid of hoovers as a baby
I could not understand the accent if some people where I worked once
I thought they were speaking another language
I was walking a.long the beach, someone was some bathing, we saw a big lump of white stuff somewhere, then on the way back I saw it again, and they thought when I said there is that white thing we passed I was talking about thenm, maybe,
One tyime, I was driving along, over a country road and some hills, from my work town to where I live, therewre is another slower route via a moteryway dual carriageway home, there weas a moped in front of me, this country road, is hard to overtake on, I DECided to take a middle route over the hills, to avoid the moped, and see what this route was like, I went along, looking at maps twice, well when I got back off the country road hill of 10s of miles to just back to the home journey just a few miles lefrt of 10s what is in front of me, going in front of me, on the ocountry road I normally take, the MOPED. lol lolo lololo lol
I said a Penny Fart hing instead of a Penny Farthing
One time I was in a classroom, and as of my Scottish roots a teacher said, there are three sentances a court can offer in Scotland so you know what they are, and I was nodding and I said, guilty, not guilty and the other one, hoh hoh So I did not say the one that was the only opne that was different not prooven,
I was driving along a single lane road once, with my twin brother, and we came round a corner, and a attractive lady was dancing in the road, we were not able to get past, me and my brother had just been running on the road, a few 100 metres before, for exersize, so wondered if she was making fun of us, she was dancing, I thoughm, what is she doing, we were there a bout 10 seconds then her dog came up she turned and looked embarssed in a happy way, she had a ipod on, I drove past carefully, she had been dancing, in a ballet and disco way,
The only rather sad story
One time I was in the photocopying room in University, and I lost my card, so I gave a good look at the photocopier, and stuff, I then thought the way I am looking, a paranoid lunatic lady would think I was looking at her bottom, (pretty hard, the way I wsa slooking), anyway next day a pal, of mine, said, yes it's normal for men to look at wom,en's bottoms, while talking to the ladi'es boyfriend who was not that perturbed,
In France 3 p[als, in fronmt of me asked do you have a bun, to the person in French then I did, so we all asked do you have buns, the guy who asked first asked why did you all asks when you knew they did, we did not properly speak French unlike him,
Here are some more sites, there are books and articles on the subjects in many internet places, or internet book shops, bookstores, at the bottom, are lists of which were the worst regimes of the past few centuries.
100s of great websites http://www.lonympics.co.uk/
http://www.lonympics.co.uk/zanadu.htm A stately pleasure-dome decree: a web site called zanadu
A list of sites that have jokeshttp://www.lonympics.co.uk/Jokesfreeforusebyrsmith.htm
http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokeslasters.htm
http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokesagain.htm
http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokesapedia.htm
http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokesmore.htm
http://www.lonympics.co.uk/jokesfinality.htm
The favourite foods of famous fictional characters
Get this Keep Fit, remember to Keep Fit Mousemat
How to make a dice out of paper
Times I have been ill by a contributor http://www.lonympics.co.uk/ill.htm
A site on the 10 feet high birds of 2 million years ago
The Entrance to the Internet Sea Safari, with many creatures many of us have never seen before
Banks 2 - A page on Financial Affairs
Find a Villa from Across Europe
Grand World Villas - Find a Villa from anywhere in the world
Grand Global Villas - Find Villas from Around the Globe